My name is Dena and I’m depressed.
*Hi Dena*
That’s the first step right? Of course, I haven’t had this confirmed by an official doctor. But do you think I don’t know the symptoms? That I haven’t seen the commercials or listened to every single one of my overly diagnosed friends?
I attended a mental health day at my college once. A friend and I went for the free food during a break in classes. Unfortunately, in order to obtain the food, we had to do the mental health evaluation. We gathered the respective papers and borrowed the smiley face pens in hopes of at least winning a mood ring. We didn’t. We sat down and decided to fill out the papers together. How embarrassing! I proceeded to find out that most of the thoughts and feelings I have aren’t just normal thoughts and feelings. According to the counselor there I have a “high risk of depression”. Who knew? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not crazy and I’m not suicidal. I just have some pretty uncontrollable thoughts and moods. And as a side effect, I tend to be a bit of a downer sometimes. Unfortunate but true.
So my Grandmother has been talking to me about starting a blog. She started one a short while ago and it is amazing (check her out!). She has actually been so excited about this newfound passion that I think she has asked all of her grandchildren to start one (and there are 10 of us, not counting spouses!). One of my awesome cousins actually did start one and it’s pretty awesome as well (check her out too!) At a recent family gathering we were all sitting around talking about this.
The reason I haven’t started a blog yet, is because I was so worried about it not being happy. I love my grandmother’s awesome blog because it is so uplifting and fun to read. My Aunt Annette brought up that she would like to write a blog as well, but she is afraid that it would be too depressing.
So after weeks and weeks of thinking about it, here I am. After hearing my Aunt’s thoughts on starting a blog I started to think… Happy blogs are nice, but what about the rest of us out there? Those of us who need to know that there is someone else out there who is feeling exactly the way we are right now. That we aren’t strange, we aren’t weirdos, and (most importantly) we aren’t alone.
I don’t really plan on filling this blog with depressing posts. My life really isn’t bad at all. I have a wonderful husband and an amazing family. I have 6 gorgeous nieces and 3 awesomely handsome nephews with another one on the way. Not to mention the amazing extended family of aunts and uncles and cousins and baby cousins (second cousins? I don’t know!). In fact, my life is pretty awesome and I love living in the moments when I can fully realize that. But the fact is that most of the time I don’t feel happy.
Also, I just want to point out that I do not want this to turn into or look like a pity party. I am not, at all, looking for someone to tell me that everything is going to be ok or to remind me of all of the awesome things in my life. Sometimes I feel (and write) like I can see no end to the despair, but really, deep down inside I know that my life is wonderful. One of the main reasons I have always loved to share my writing is because people tend to identify with it. What I am looking to hear is that you feel the same sometimes or maybe that you know how I feel. I want to hear that I’m not alone… I don’t want to hear that there are people somewhere out in the universe waiting for me to be happy. Because I’m pretty sure that they will be waiting a long, long time.
P.S. I’m pretty sure the writing will get better soon as well. It’s 3 AM and my alarm will be going off in an hour and a half!
i'm glad you wrote this dena. i think there are more people(including myself) that can identify with you than not. i look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHi Dena: I cried last night, feeling a bit depressed over my b-day and missing my kids. Today I am fine, just needed a good cry and I tend to be stubborn and hold things in so maybe a little water works would do ya some good. We all feel down from time to time. I work with woman who are physically ill and who have depression over the pain they feel. We improve quality of life by blogging, eating healthy lots , getting enough sleep and exercise! When we begin to treat the body good we feel better..........it takes time to heal depression it is your brain which is a physical part of the body and we as a society tend to chop the head off from the rest of the body.
ReplyDeleteWhen I feel down I say things like- I give myself permission to grieve, this to shall pass, and I try to focus on the things that feel good.
I have a long list of feel good movies, foods that I enjoy preparing that are healthy, and I shop for bright things, like bright colored fruits, yarn, maybe a pillow or flowers for my house.......I take walks and let the sun shine off my face, and bring along my camera........breathing, yoga, and relaxtion are awesome why to cope.
And add a dash of who cares to that and your on your way to feeling better.........!
My first assignment for you is to get rid of the black and red and do something bright ....aqua, lime green, orange, red , ...check out http://www.delightfuldots.blogspot.com/ she has some great back grounds for blogs that are free.
Ok so how do I get to gramma's blog?