The bottom.

Well, the bottom has officially fallen out. I was wondering when this was going to happen. Just last week I told my husband "Things have been too good lately, I have been too happy. I'm worried that the bottom is going to fall out any day now."

And that's the problem I have. When I am happy, I am so, so happy. I have no problems getting up in the morning, no problems taking a shower or fixing my hair. And when I am OK, I am just fine being OK. Maybe I am not ecstatic about life but I am getting along. I am getting things done the way that they should be done even if I don't want to do them. But when I am sad, I am so, so sad. And there is very little explanation as to of why I was happy last week and I am not this week. I just feel like I have an extra weight on my back. There is an extra burn in my stomach. I am always able to force myself out of bed eventually, but after that everything else is a toss up. Will I shower? Maybe, but I probably won't wash my hair. Will I fix my hair? I might blow dry it or brush it but just one or the other. Will I brush my teeth? Yes, but only because my husband will make me. Will the dishes get done? No. Will dinner get cooked? Maybe, but it will probably be easy and not very good for us. Will the table get cleaned off? No, it can wait until tomorrow. Thank God for my amazing husband who takes care of me through these days. Some days I am pretty sure that I wouldn't get out of bed at all if he weren't around.

I am ready for this phase to pass and it has only been three days so far. Who knows how long it will last this time? Just thinking about it makes my stomach burn. It hurts my heart to yearn for just being "OK" but those are the most stable phases and they last the longest. I wish I could be ecstatic about life all of the time, the way I was last week.

All I can do is have faith and pray that things will be better soon.

Seven year anniversary

Today is the 7 year anniversary of the day my husband said “Dena, I love you and I want to take you to prom.” Thinking about that day makes me smile. We had been friends for about six months before his little revelation. We spoke on the phone almost every night and we were pretty much constantly chatting online. We hesitated at first because we were both still hung up on other people. But I was so glad when he finally said what I had been thinking for the last 5 months!

We met in a pretty unconventional way and that prom was our first real date. He was so skinny back then I could wrap my hand all the way around his arm. It’s amazing what 4 years of living with me can do to a man! I fell in love with him for so many reasons. He has always been such a good listener and I have always loved the way that we can sit in silence together. I have never been very outgoing or talkative and the fact that we can just be quiet together and not feel awkward is something I will always cherish.

I think it’s interesting how the reasons I love him have changed over the years. If you were to ask me now why I love my husband, my answers would be so much different than they would have been 7 years ago (or even just 2 years ago). I love my husband because he’s smart, he’s funny, he’s an awesome guitar player. He’s a wonderful teacher. He’s beautiful, and he will make beautiful babies one day. But mostly I love him because he’s a hard worker. He takes care of me and I know that he will take good care of our family when we decide to have one. He loves our nieces and nephews as much as I do. We are inseparable. After seven years we are still obsessed with each other. I love him so much and I can’t wait to find more things about him that I just can’t live without.

Ryan's Locks of Love Donation

My lovely husband has an interview tomorrow for a job that he really wants. So we decided it was finally time to cut away the rock'n roll hair style and let his professional side shine through. Ryan and I have been growing our hair out since our wedding, about a year and a half ago. We have always wanted to donate to locks of love and at the time Ryan had a job that did not care what his hair looked like. We measured his hair last night and it was just over 12 inches. Just enough to donate the 10 inches required and still have some hair on his head.

If you have never heard of locks of love, I encourage you to check out their website, www.locksoflove.org. They are a non-profit organization that makes hairpieces for children who have lost their hair due to medical reasons.

So tonight we made our way over to my brother's house so that my sister in law could cut Ryan's hair. First we seperated it into a lot of tiny pony tails so that we could get the longest snippets possible:



Our niece Emily (who is about 20 months old) had a hard time trying to figure out what we were doing to her Uncle RyRy. She thought he looked pretty funny! My favorite part was when Shambra cut his hair right down the middle and left the sides flying, and a little rat tail to boot!





And here he is with his bag full of hair and a beautiful haircut!





Thank you, Shambra, for the free hair cut!

Doesn't he look like someone you would hire? Cross your fingers for him tomorrow. He has an interview at Feed the Children and he is excited to maybe work there. I am excited for him to not be working contract anymore!

Well, it is officially bed time. I am hoping and praying for another lovely day tomorrow. Goodnight lovelies!

UN staff killed in Afghanistan over an American's ignorance.

Today this feels difficult because there are too many topics I want to write about. Not the least of which is talking about the killing of U.N. staff members over the burning of the Quran. I am outraged over the fact that the preacher who pulled the stunt actually burned the book after being begged not to by many U.S. citizens and even the president of the United States. And I am outraged that the burning of a book caused such uproar. But the Quran is not a simple book to many people (although you could argue that this particular one was just a copy of a copy of a copy and the fact that the preacher had to purchase this book from somewhere was probably more of a support to the religion than anything). In fact Islam is the second most widely accepted religion in the world (right after Christianity). So why do we have to fight?

I don’t mean to bash the wars and I don’t even want to get into 9-11. There are radicals in every religion, including Christianity. I don’t think I have the strength to talk about those people. And I don’t want to get into the similarities and differences between Christianity and Islam, but I will encourage you to take a class before you pass judgment.

What I do mean to say is this: Why can’t was just have respect for each others beliefs? This preacher pulled this stunt because he wanted the kind of reaction that he received. Everyone knows his name, and his church and he proved his little point that “Islam is evil.” But we all know that not all Muslims are like that. I have worked with and for many Islamic people and the people I know are lovely. They are definitely the best customers I have ever had. But we are only going to hear about the bad ones. I fear the same goes for Christians. Who cares about all of the good works we are doing when there are preachers out there burning holy books and priests molesting children?

I just wish we could remember that the actions of some do not represent all. I truly feel as though that preacher has the blood on his hands of those people murdered on Friday.

Yes, this is America and we have free speech. We can say whatever and peacefully protest however we like and we do not have to suffer the consequences of our government. I am eternally grateful for that. But we do have to suffer the consequences of our peers and our God. And for that reason I think we should have respect in everything we do.

P.S. If you do not know what I am talking about, here is a link to an article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42376051/ns/world_news-south_and_central_asia/

6WS, 3 goals, and respectful discussion :)

Today I am linking up with Show My Face today for Six Word Saturday



Today we will go shopping, yay!

Just before bed last night we set three goals for today:
1. Get up early, hit the garage sales.
2. Track down a store with a 3DS on display and check it out.
3. Go to the grocery store.

Well, number one was a failure as we did not roll out of bed until almost eleven o’clock. We ate some toaster waffles and enjoyed them immensely. I love Saturdays because we are able to sit and enjoy our breakfast (even if we do eat it at lunch time). We are pretty sure that Best Buy has a 3DS display so goal number two is well underway. The grocery store… well, that might have to wait a couple of days! I would just like to enjoy this day if possible!

So I have been thinking a lot about topics for this blog. I sat down yesterday and tried to come up with 30 things I could write about this month. I came up with about 20 altogether but I’m not sure if I’ll even get close to writing about all of those topics. Those of you that know me know that I have very strong emotions towards certain things. Sometimes I am perplexed by people and their ability to not feel so strongly. So often in my life I am overcome with feelings of love and admiration that I might just reach out and hug or kiss a person. These powerful emotions aren’t always good ones, though. I am very often overcome by anger, hatred, and guilt as well. Sometimes these feelings make me write things that I don’t often really mean, or at least that I don’t really want other people to know that I am thinking. The fear of people knowing what I’m thinking is why I stopped writing in the first place. Many years ago I had a blog that I wrote in very often. It was completely anonymous, and life is so much easier to live when you can do it anonymously. But as soon as people in my real life found that blog I could no longer get myself to write in it anymore. I knew there were certain people I couldn’t talk about or certain feelings I couldn’t really share. So I lost an outlet. I lost the ability to get my feelings out on paper (err, computer screen) and share those feelings with others. So here I am trying to find the balance. Who knows what will come of it? I hope that those of you reading will not take offense to anything that I say in the next month. In fact, I encourage you to tell me whether or not you disagree with me. I know that my opinions very often differ from those who are close to me, especially politically. I am open to respectful discussion. I love to hear others opinions as much as I love to share my own.

Well, now that it is officially afternoon I am off to start this beautiful day. The sun is out and my daisies are starting to grow. Maybe we will buy some patio furniture today so that we can enjoy the weather more often. I know it won’t last long here in crazy weathered Oklahoma. I love you all. Thanks for reading.

BEDA

March was an exciting month for us and April carries its own eccentricities. I just love spring and the business it brings. We will be planting flowers and doing yard work, going to birthday parties and baby showers, and just to add something else to the list I will officially be participating in BEDA (Blog Every Day April) this year. A busy Dena is a happy Dena! I am looking forward to embracing the idea that there is something to say every single day of my life. There is always something to be thankful for, or at least there is always something to take note of. I hope you will join me!

Today we are preparing for the weekend. It has been a long work week and we are just as exhausted as our feet say we are. What will we do tonight? Maybe we will go see a movie and eat some sushi. We love to go to the Moore Warren Theatre and have a chocolate soda before the show. Do you know how long it took me to find a decent chocolate soda in this part of the state? I walked in to many ice cream parlors and received many impolite stares that simply said “You’re crazy”. I was starting to believe that it was a treat I had dreamed up in my head and no one else had any idea what I was talking about! I was so excited when I saw my favorite movie theatre made them at their concession stand.

Well, I’m off to live my beautiful life with my beautiful husband. I hope your day was as wonderful as mine was!

Ayezlyn

This is Miss Ayezlyn. Her first birthday was this week so we spent the day celebrating yesterday. She is a good little baby. We don't get to see her very often because she, her parents and her sisters live in Tulsa, which is a two hour drive from our house. Ayezlyn is my husbands' little sister's baby girl. My husband's sister, Erin, is a great mom. The first time I met her she was pregnant with her daughter Makayla and I thought she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever met. It's a lot of fun to watch her interact with her three girls.



Aren't they beautiful? We went to dinner after the party and the two oldest girls, Jaida and Makayla, wanted to ride home with Uncle Ryan and Aunt Dena. They sat in the backseat and asked us questions like "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and Ryan and I just stared at each other. That is such an easy question to answer for those little girls, so full of hopes and dreams and ambition. While Ryan and I are half grown and still have no idea what the idea of being "grown ups" really means.

Jaida is going to be a singer when she grows up. She is in the choir at church and loves to sing. She is eleven and starting to act and feel like a teenager. I wish she would hold out a few more years.

Makayla is six. She is going to be an artist when she grows up. Or a singer. She would also like to be a mom. She loves her sisters, her cousins, and especially her Nana.

Sitting in the backseat Makayla asked "Dena, how old are you?"
"I am 23 years old" I responded.
She paused for a moment, crossed her arms and said,
"Ha! My Nana is older than you!"

:)

I love those girls.