Sunday, March 20, 2011

Ayezlyn



This is Miss Ayezlyn. Her first birthday was this week so we spent the day celebrating yesterday. She is a good little baby. We don't get to see her very often because she, her parents and her sisters live in Tulsa, which is a two hour drive from our house. Ayezlyn is my husbands' little sister's baby girl. My husband's sister, Erin, is a great mom. The first time I met her she was pregnant with her daughter Makayla and I thought she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever met. It's a lot of fun to watch her interact with her three girls.



Aren't they beautiful? We went to dinner after the party and the two oldest girls, Jaida and Makayla, wanted to ride home with Uncle Ryan and Aunt Dena. They sat in the backseat and asked us questions like "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and Ryan and I just stared at each other. That is such an easy question to answer for those little girls, so full of hopes and dreams and ambition. While Ryan and I are half grown and still have no idea what the idea of being "grown ups" really means.

Jaida is going to be a singer when she grows up. She is in the choir at church and loves to sing. She is eleven and starting to act and feel like a teenager. I wish she would hold out a few more years.

Makayla is six. She is going to be an artist when she grows up. Or a singer. She would also like to be a mom. She loves her sisters, her cousins, and especially her Nana.

Sitting in the backseat Makayla asked "Dena, how old are you?"
"I am 23 years old" I responded.
She paused for a moment, crossed her arms and said,
"Ha! My Nana is older than you!"

:)

I love those girls.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Cameron



This is little Cameron. Isn’t he beautiful? He is my newest nephew. I have been looking forward to his arrival for a very long time now. My sister had her first child in 2002. Jenna was the first niece I ever had (though, she’s not the oldest, anymore). And Cameron won’t be the youngest for long. My brother’s wife is due any day now with their second child, Weston. It is so fun to see my family growing. And the best part is watching the joy on parents’ faces when they get to see their grandchildren. I can’t wait to see them overjoyed to watch my kids run and play. We still have a few years ‘til that day comes, though. Here is Cameron with his big sis, Jenna.






Jenna was so excited to find out she was going to be a big sister. She had been begging her mom for years for a little sister. Before the ultrasound that showed Cameron as a little boy, my husband and I would pick on the poor girl. She would fight us so hard. She was determined that the baby was a girl, and we would not convince her otherwise! But she was just as excited when we found out he was a boy. And now that he’s here, I have never seen her act so lovingly toward another child (which is really saying something! She is one of the sweetest, most loving kids I have ever known).

What else can I say about Cameron? He is a little over a week old now and I have yet to kiss his little face. I came down with a virus the day before he was born and even though I was fever free after he got here, I was so careful to not touch his face and to always wear a mask around him. Hubby and I are preparing to go see him now. I cannot wait to kiss his sweet little face and whisper how much I love him in his ear!

I have waited so long for his arrival, it almost seems as though he cannot be real. My sister and her husband had tried for quite a while to get him here. It’s so strange to think that he was such a vague notion nine months ago. We were so excited to meet him, but we had no idea who he would be then. Now that he’s here and we can hold him and love him, it’s hard to imagine life without him. And he’s not even two weeks old yet. I can’t wait to see who he will grow up to be. Will he be a musician, like his daddy? Or a writer, like his mommy? Or maybe he will be a dancer like his sister. Or a farmer like his Pop. Maybe he will blow us all away with the things he will be. Maybe he will be nothing like the rest of us, and that will be ok. We love him, and he will love us. And that’s all that matters in this entire world.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

I want to...

It has been over a year since I have blogged. I want to write more. In fact, I want to do so much more. I have been working hard this year to achieve my goals and realize my self worth. It has been hard and I have not made much progress. But this year, I vow to not give up.

For starters:

I want to write more.
I want to get out of the teller line.
I want to take better care of my husband.
I want to read more.
I want to lose weight.
I want to figure out a way to be my own boss.
I want to spend more time with my family.
I want to save more money.
I want to make more stuff.
I want to be better at keeping my house clean.
I want to be more assertive.

I want I want I want.

But really? It just feels good to “want to” again.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Grandma P.

Today is the 10 year anniversary of the worst day of my life. It’s hard to believe it’s been ten years already, but it’s also hard to believe that I had 12 years of her in my life. Ten years ago today I was having lunch at school with my best friends when I was called to the office. My mom was standing near the door, signing me out of school for the day. I was excited to be leaving school, hoping that we were about to take an unplanned shopping trip. But when we stepped outside I knew otherwise. I saw my sister sitting in the car, her eyes red. Mom hugged me and whispered in my ear: “Grandma Pettijohn passed away this morning.”

You see, my Grandma was only 65 when she passed away. I was 12 at the time and I didn’t realize then that 65 isn’t old. She was a beautiful, amazing woman that I miss and think about every time I look at my bookshelf, every time I play a memory game, and every day when I put milk and sugar in my coffee. I was so young when she passed away. I really had no idea back then how important my family is. And I took her for granted. I remember these little things about her. I remember drinking coffee with her, I remember her painting my nails, I remember reading books with her, I remember playing memory games with her, I remember watching Wheel of Fortune with her. But I don’t really remember who she was. No matter how hard I try to imagine the way she would feel or act around me now, I simply can’t. I don’t remember how she talked, I don’t remember her voice, I don’t remember HER. I never had the time to really get to know her and it breaks my heart.

And it makes me so angry.

The fact is that her death could have been avoided. She smoked for most of her life and she ended up dying because her heart wasn’t getting enough oxygen pumped to it. I hate that I am so angry with her about this, but I can’t help it. How could she sacrifice getting to see her grandchildren get married and have babies, just for a few minutes of relief from a cigarette each day? She didn’t even get to see us graduate high school. She didn’t even get to see me and two of my cousins graduate from middle school. She has three great grandkids now and she never got to meet any of them. And they’ll never be able to know her. I know she didn’t mean to, and I know she tried to quit. I just wish she had tried harder. And I wish I could stop being so angry about it.

I don’t want my grandchildren to be angry with me because they never had the time to get to know me. When I die, I don’t want anyone to have cause to be angry about it. I want to be old and in pain and immovable and I want to have time to tell my kids and grandkids goodbye one last time. I want to meet my great grandkids.

So you’ll never catch me taking a drag off of anyone’s cigarette.

And you’ll be seeing a much more healthy me over the next few years.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

books books books

A lot has happened since my last post. I have read three books on my list and started on a fourth.

The Endless Steppe by Esther Hautzig
The Man who Mistook his Wife for a Hat by Dr. Oliver Sacks
Hot Plastic by Peter Craig

All were really good and drastically different from each other. The first takes place during WWII and is a true story of a girl who was exhiled with her family to a Siberian work camp for the duration of the war. I read this book once as a child and I loved it, but as I was reading it this time around, I had trouble seeing how I could have read it then. It’s not necessarily written for children (I believe I was 4th grade when I read it), but maybe for young teens. I would definitely suggest it to a 12-14 year old and everyone else older than that. It is very good, and worth keeping on my shelf!

The second is a nonfiction science book. Dr Sacks is a neurologist who writes from his heart, instead of his head. I read one of his books in college and was instantly hooked. I am definitely not a science buff, but he makes the topic fun and interesting. What I love most about his books is that he does not write about the disease, he writes about the patient. This book is one of his early ones so there is definitely a lot more science talk than the last book that I read by him. But this book is filled with amazing stories of survivors. The stories are about people with neurological disorders who have overcome them in some way in order to find a better way of living life. Parts of it are really sad, parts of it are really inspiring, and parts of it are hilarious. If you think you can weed through the science talk and get to the meat of the story, I would definitely suggest this book (or if you are a science buff!) to you.

Hot Plastic is the story of a father and son con team who meet a young con woman that they both fall in love with. It is a pretty light hearted and fun novel (even through out the thievery, jail time, and gun wounds!). I thoroughly enjoyed it, but I don’t think I will keep it on my shelf for long unless my husband decides he would like to read it. I wouldn’t suggest it if you can’t stand cussing or the general theme of sin. There is definitely a lot of that in this book. But it is a fun story that will keep you engrossed ‘til the very end.

I started Frankenstein today. I read this in high school and hated it, but I saw a play of it last year and I thought I might like it a little more as an adult. So far, I really do. I can’t wait to get through it and know for sure!

Oh, and I guess I forgot to mention that I found a job! I started working Wednesday at a bank that is about 5 minutes away from our apartment. I like it a lot so far, but there are certain parts of it that worry me. Right now, I’m just delighted to have a place to go every day. My official training starts on the 9th of November. Right now I am just a go-fer, but I’m glad to be getting paid for it. I am waiting patiently for that first paycheck so that I can finally go buy myself some winter boots and a nice jacket!

All in all, I'm feeling pretty great. I have felt my luck turn around in the matter of one short week. Ryan and I have had an amazing weekend off together and I am so glad that I can fully enjoy the weekends again.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

"This was air you could almost chew"

About a Boy by Nick Hornby is actually a novel about two boys. One is 12 years old, the other is 36. And I really love this book.

Nick Hornby is by far one of my most favorite authors. If you have never read any of his books, I strongly suggest that you run out and do so as soon as possible. He has a terrible and amazing way of making me feel as though he is writing these stories for me.

About a Boy is obviously about a boy, but it is also about so much more. I’m a sucker for coming of age stories, and this book is a double whammy. Will is a 36 year old bachelor who has never done anything significant with his life and is trying to figure out the best way possible to keep himself in the same situation forever. Shortly after figuring out that he has a much better chance at no-strings-attached sex with single moms than he does with young women who are looking to become moms in the future, Will decides to invent another life for himself. He makes up a child and starts to attend meetings for single parents, in order to meet women. After a few meetings he meets Marcus. Marcus is a very awkward 12 year old boy who is going through a lot of changes that he doesn’t even realize are happening. Marcus is sort of stuck in his mother’s world. She is constantly trying to teach Marcus to think for himself, but in the process she has taught him that it’s only ok to think the way that she does. Will is the most unlikely character to enter Marcus’ and Fiona’s life, but he is just what the two of them need. Will and Marcus change each others lives over the course of a year or so and they essentially trade places by the end of the book.

This is definitely not a love story or a romance novel. This book deals with friendship, lying (and the consequences!), suicide, depression, and single parenting. It also deals with living with a single parent. Part of the genius of this book is that you are hearing the story from two different perspectives. Every chapter alternates between Will’s perspective and Marcus’ perspective. Every situation is described in the way that Will sees it, then the way that Marcus sees it (and Vice Versa). It is absolutely beautiful and well planned.

Also, if you like Nirvana, you should definitely read this book. Especially if you were too young when Kurt died to really know what was going on.

Altogether, I give About a Boy 5 out of 5 stars. It will make you laugh out loud and then it will make you shed real tears.

If you have read this book already or you decide to go out and read it, tell me what you think. And if you want to borrow it, let me know!

A few of my favorite quotes:

“… Marcus was enjoying the conversation. It seemed big, as though you could walk around it and see different things, and that never happened when you talked to kids normally.”

“It wasn’t easy, floating on the surface of everything: it took skill and nerve and when people told you that they were thinking of taking their own life, you could feel yourself being dragged under with them. Keeping your head above water was what it was all about, Will reckoned. That was what it was all about for everyone, but those who had reasons for living, jobs and relationships and pets, their heads were a long way from the surface anyway. They were wading in the shallow end, and only a bizarre accident, a freak wave from the wave machine, was going to sink them. But Will was struggling… He needed someone buoyant to hang on to; he certainly didn’t need a dead weight like Fiona.”

“Life was, after all, like air. Will could have no doubt about that anymore. There seemed to be no way of keeping it out, or at a distance, and all he could do for the moment was live it and breathe it. How people managed to draw it down into their lungs without choking was a mystery to him: it was full of bits. This was air you could almost chew.”

A book challenge

Yesterday I decided that I wasn't going to spend the entire day on the computer. So I organized my bookshelf instead :)

The last time I moved, I realized that I own a lot of books that I haven’t read yet. This is a big problem that I have. So often, I buy books without the intention of going directly home and reading them. The result: 55 books on my shelf that I have yet to read. Okay, so really there are only 48 that I haven’t read yet. There are seven books on my shelf that I have read before, just not the copies that are on my shelf. You see, I tend to see books at garage sales, or second hand stores that I know I have read before and loved. Mostly, I think I buy them with the intention of making someone else read them (mainly, my husband… but I think that’s a lost cause at this point!). But many of them I haven’t read since I was a child, or I read them for school so I was never really able to enjoy them for what they are.

So I'm challenging myself to read all of these books before I buy another one. I even sat down yesterday and made an actual chronological list. The break down is something like this:

31 fiction books
10 classic fiction books
14 nonfiction books

So I'm ordering them in this way:
Fiction
Nonfiction
Fiction
Classic

Until I run out of classics. Then I will just alternate fiction and nonfiction until I'm done. There will be about 6 fiction books to read in a row at the end of it all, which really doesn't bother me a bit!

So there are 55 books on my reading list as of right now. The best part? I no longer have to worry about school books permeating my list! I have a list of 55 books that I actually want to read. I don’t think I’ve been this excited about reading since middle school! Although, it is sort of a daunting task. If I read a book a week, this will take me a little more than a year. This challenge means resisting stacks of books at garage sales, not spending weekend afternoons at bookstores, and completely ignoring all of the wonderful Barnes and Noble coupons that I receive in the mail for an entire year. Ah jeez, I hope I can make it through.

But hopefully it won’t actually take me that long. Many of the books are less than 300 pages. Some of them are less than 200 which won’t take long at all. Unfortunately, Don Quixote is on the list, which is 1050 pages long.

Right now I’m almost finished with my first book: About a Boy by Nick Hornby. I’ll let you know what I think when I am done!

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