Most of my days are spent in bed, with a computer on my lap. I really have no reason to crawl out of bed on most days. In fact, it is now 11:00 and the only reason I am even contemplating putting my feet on the carpet for the first time today is because my stomach is starting to rumble. It’s easier when I have a project. It would be easier if I had a reason. But since most jobs prefer me to apply online, all of my friends are either at work or school, and I am officially, desperately and humbly broke… I think I’ll just stay in bed.
I think if I had a gym membership, I would go to the gym. Or if my community had a sidewalk, I would go for a bike ride. Or maybe if I had a couch, I would at least go and sit on that. But for now I’ll just prop myself up on 3 pillows and lean against the wall in bed.
But, as you can imagine, life gets a little boring in bed. Every day I spend at least an hour applying to jobs. Then the rest of the day feels as though I’m just waiting on the phone to ring. I wake up around eight because I know that’s when the phone calls should start pouring in. Then from 11 to 12 I’m waiting for my husband to call on his lunch break. And then there is, of course, the infamous call from my father anywhere from 4 to 6. He simply can’t drive home without talking to someone! The only time I feel halfway motivated to climb out of bed is within the hour before my husband comes home. It’s at about 2 o’clock that I realize that a certain part of the house is a mess and Ryan would really appreciate it if I cleaned it up. But most days I don’t even do that. I just mess around on the internet until he gets home and then I feel infinitely guilty about it.
My husband has been convinced for awhile that the reason I never get anything done around the house is that I’m addicted to the internet. I don’t think that’s the reason at all. In fact, I’m positive that if I didn’t have the internet, I would still find a reason to stay in bed. Books, or video games, or movies. In fact, all of those reasons sound much more interesting than what I do all day anyway. The funny thing is, I feel guilty when I’m not checking my email every hour for replies on job applications. I feel guilty when I don’t spend at least an hour every day applying for jobs. I feel guilty when I’m reading, or writing, or playing games when I could be figuring out the best way to present myself in an interview, or the best information to include in my cover letter. And I watch stupid youtube videos and roam facebook to fill in the gaps.
Basically, I feel like my life is wasting away and there is nothing I can do about it until I start making money and stop worrying about finding the perfect job. I’m going to get my act together this week and stop wasting away in bed.
this sounds exactly like my life a month or so ago. i applied for job after job and sat and waited for years it felt. (okay, only 2 months, but still!) i would sit in bed or watch tv or read. anything to fill the time. it was draining! it really was. people think i'm crazy when i say that, but not having a job completely drains you--emotionally and mentally.
ReplyDeleteall i can say is hang in there. something will come up.