Well, the bottom has officially fallen out. I was wondering when this was going to happen. Just last week I told my husband "Things have been too good lately, I have been too happy. I'm worried that the bottom is going to fall out any day now."
And that's the problem I have. When I am happy, I am so, so happy. I have no problems getting up in the morning, no problems taking a shower or fixing my hair. And when I am OK, I am just fine being OK. Maybe I am not ecstatic about life but I am getting along. I am getting things done the way that they should be done even if I don't want to do them. But when I am sad, I am so, so sad. And there is very little explanation as to of why I was happy last week and I am not this week. I just feel like I have an extra weight on my back. There is an extra burn in my stomach. I am always able to force myself out of bed eventually, but after that everything else is a toss up. Will I shower? Maybe, but I probably won't wash my hair. Will I fix my hair? I might blow dry it or brush it but just one or the other. Will I brush my teeth? Yes, but only because my husband will make me. Will the dishes get done? No. Will dinner get cooked? Maybe, but it will probably be easy and not very good for us. Will the table get cleaned off? No, it can wait until tomorrow. Thank God for my amazing husband who takes care of me through these days. Some days I am pretty sure that I wouldn't get out of bed at all if he weren't around.
I am ready for this phase to pass and it has only been three days so far. Who knows how long it will last this time? Just thinking about it makes my stomach burn. It hurts my heart to yearn for just being "OK" but those are the most stable phases and they last the longest. I wish I could be ecstatic about life all of the time, the way I was last week.
All I can do is have faith and pray that things will be better soon.
a couple of things: the first being that i am so glad you are blogging again! i love reading your stuff. the second being, i'm so sorry that you are having a rough time. i do understand to an extent how you feel. i too have those moments in life that seem so dreary. they don't last as long as the good times, but at the time they feel so long and daunting, because of the uncertainty of the length. i do know though, that "this too shall pass". like you said, it always does. i don't know why we go through these times. perhaps it is so we will enjoy the good times all that much more. whatever the case, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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